Lara blogja

2023\01\10

its been a long time

since we talked. since i listened. since i wanted to. 

many changes around me not so many in me. 

 switzerland has been nice to me

2019\12\06

that emptiness

that emptiness is still there. 

 

you left me and I'm still empty. 

I loved you somwhere deep inside me. 

But you loved the idea what I could have been. 

And what hit us was the reality. 

 

tug of war of love and fear. 

love for one another and fear from the fall.

I could have begged but I refuse

I will always stay a bomb that's been defused. 

 

I ask you now, listen to me

Learn to speak and for god's sake, speak, 

I never asked for anything else

Just to tell me what is in your head. 

 

Now you left me, and you won't come back

and the emptiness is still there. 

2019\02\01

i forgive all of you

it's so rare that it doesn't happen five minutes after you hurt me. but it happens. sooner than you think. i just need to accept it. accept it, that even though it may does not affect you now, it still affects me. anger is not something i want in my llife. so i let it go now. i may look at you or your pictures with a heavy heart, or with a sad look, but that's because i couldn't let it go five minutes after you hurt me and that hurt me more than you did. goodbye all of you. 

2018\06\13

accurate

Daughter - "Youth"

Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.

We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there.

And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this home.

And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it

Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,
My eyes are damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.

And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.

And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it

2018\01\14

movie night

újra igaznak bizonyult, hogy néha a borító-alapján-való-filmválasztás szerencsésebb, mint az ismerős neveken alapuló. "Akit senki sem ismer", szuper magyar fordítás, clap-clap. Egy érdekes, nem túltárgyalt, kreatív film. És muszáj leírnom, hogy a Wind River pedig egy belemagyarázós, unalmas, szörnyen írt és rendezett kínszenvedés, akármilyen nemes célra szolgált is volna. Nem is maga a film a legrosszabb, hanem a fizetett dicsőítése a neten. Azért én feljegyeztem, hogy tudjuk.  mv5bmtcynzy0otuyml5bml5banbnxkftztgwmdm0ntk2ote_v1_uy1200_cr90_0_630_1200_al.jpg

2017\10\25

they all talk about blood

1935. december 11. - 2017. október 24. 

van erősebb a géneknél. van erősebb a vérnél. az ember, akit születésedtől fogva úgy ismersz, mint nagypapa, az a nagypapáddá válik. 

az ő élete körül mindig is ott volt valamiféle misztikus tudatlanság. neki más a vezetékneve. olyan városokban nőtt fel, olyan emberek között, akiket mi sose ismertünk. emlékszem a történetekre a szolgálólányokról, a szigorú apáról, a katona nagybácsikról, a sok testvérről, a dacból kötött házasságra, a két halott gyermek fekete-fehér fotóira, a történetre, hogyan ismerkedett meg apám anyjával. a lebukásra, a gázolásra, a költözésre, a szívrohamra, a sok rejtvényre, a betegségre. ott állt a tüntetők közt 1956-ban, 61 évvel és nappal később pedig röpke három hét alatt egy csontsovány öregemberré vált, aki nem tudta kimondani a szavakat és kapkodta a levegőt. és csendesen elhunyt, majd abban a rideg, koszos, öreg szobában feküdt a fémtálcán. 

sosem felejtem el a gyerekkort, amiben ő volt az igazi példakép.

they all talk about blood, but really, it is the love that matters. 

2017\09\10

will it ever go away?

going back to my grave. fall comes every year. as depression. thinking all night about funny sketches. end up with no sleeping, hospitals, barking dogs. 

my ear is fucked up. my eyes are not here yet. but hey, i made an instagram account. what a lovely thing to do. 

i only know what i dont want. and i dont want you to understand me. 

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