its been a long time
since we talked. since i listened. since i wanted to.
many changes around me not so many in me.
switzerland has been nice to me
Szólj hozzá!
you get what you thought you want
lot of snow. lot of sun. life.
still you dont feel what you should.
snow on the mountains
havasak a hegyek, hideg van és korán sötétedik.
egészen otthonos, mégis idegen.
elszakadás, köztes állapot, beilleszkedés.
nothing new here.
kinda sad kinda happy
i use to do so much, now i do so little.
i am happy and sad, and tired and ready.
is it progress? or is it just an illusion?
una pregunta
i do unterstand some of it, but not all of it. just a laugh echoing in my head. why? who knows. is it dark? always. it is safe? well safety is relative. as time. as everything.
new age
it's a new age we entered
we will remember it
we will tell about it to our grandchildren
we survive
that emptiness
that emptiness is still there.
you left me and I'm still empty.
I loved you somwhere deep inside me.
But you loved the idea what I could have been.
And what hit us was the reality.
tug of war of love and fear.
love for one another and fear from the fall.
I could have begged but I refuse
I will always stay a bomb that's been defused.
I ask you now, listen to me
Learn to speak and for god's sake, speak,
I never asked for anything else
Just to tell me what is in your head.
Now you left me, and you won't come back
and the emptiness is still there.
my mind
so many uncharted parts of my mind.
the sad thing about it all, that I forget that they exist.
as I forget what I was writing about.
i forgive all of you
it's so rare that it doesn't happen five minutes after you hurt me. but it happens. sooner than you think. i just need to accept it. accept it, that even though it may does not affect you now, it still affects me. anger is not something i want in my llife. so i let it go now. i may look at you or your pictures with a heavy heart, or with a sad look, but that's because i couldn't let it go five minutes after you hurt me and that hurt me more than you did. goodbye all of you.
who am i
Who am I, darling to you?
Who am I?
Going to tell you stories of mine
Who am I?
Who am I?
Going to tell you stories of mine
Who am I?
Who am I, darling for you?
Who am I?
Could be a burden in time, lonely
Who am I, to you?
Who am I?
Could be a burden in time, lonely
Who am I, to you?
why do i feel this way
never the right timing. never the right people. never anything that would match my world.
becoming a tree
becoming something else. something deep.
i don't have time to become somebody.
bsht.
im done.
accurate
Daughter - "Youth"
Shadows settle on the place, that you left.
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.
And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.
We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there.
And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this home.
And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it
Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,
My eyes are damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.
And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it
Our minds are troubled by the emptiness.
Destroy the middle, it's a waste of time.
From the perfect start to the finish line.
And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of us are heaving through corrupted lungs.
Setting fire to our insides for fun
Collecting names of the lovers that went wrong
The lovers that went wrong.
We are the reckless,
We are the wild youth
Chasing visions of our futures
One day we'll reveal the truth
That one will die before he gets there.
And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky ones.
'Cause most of our feelings, they are dead and they are gone.
We're setting fire to our insides for fun.
Collecting pictures from a flood that wrecked our home,
It was a flood that wrecked this home.
And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it
Well I've lost it all, I'm just a silhouette,
A lifeless face that you'll soon forget,
My eyes are damp from the words you left,
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
Ringing in my head, when you broke my chest.
And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone.
Setting fire to our insides for fun,
To distract our hearts from ever missing them.
But I'm forever missing him.
And you caused it,
And you caused it,
And you caused it
empty
empty life.
fill it with something is hard work and i'm always tired. to scared to do what i really want. so i don't do anything instead. great plan. congrat
movie night
újra igaznak bizonyult, hogy néha a borító-alapján-való-filmválasztás szerencsésebb, mint az ismerős neveken alapuló. "Akit senki sem ismer", szuper magyar fordítás, clap-clap. Egy érdekes, nem túltárgyalt, kreatív film. És muszáj leírnom, hogy a Wind River pedig egy belemagyarázós, unalmas, szörnyen írt és rendezett kínszenvedés, akármilyen nemes célra szolgált is volna. Nem is maga a film a legrosszabb, hanem a fizetett dicsőítése a neten. Azért én feljegyeztem, hogy tudjuk. 
they all talk about blood
1935. december 11. - 2017. október 24.
van erősebb a géneknél. van erősebb a vérnél. az ember, akit születésedtől fogva úgy ismersz, mint nagypapa, az a nagypapáddá válik.
az ő élete körül mindig is ott volt valamiféle misztikus tudatlanság. neki más a vezetékneve. olyan városokban nőtt fel, olyan emberek között, akiket mi sose ismertünk. emlékszem a történetekre a szolgálólányokról, a szigorú apáról, a katona nagybácsikról, a sok testvérről, a dacból kötött házasságra, a két halott gyermek fekete-fehér fotóira, a történetre, hogyan ismerkedett meg apám anyjával. a lebukásra, a gázolásra, a költözésre, a szívrohamra, a sok rejtvényre, a betegségre. ott állt a tüntetők közt 1956-ban, 61 évvel és nappal később pedig röpke három hét alatt egy csontsovány öregemberré vált, aki nem tudta kimondani a szavakat és kapkodta a levegőt. és csendesen elhunyt, majd abban a rideg, koszos, öreg szobában feküdt a fémtálcán.
sosem felejtem el a gyerekkort, amiben ő volt az igazi példakép.
they all talk about blood, but really, it is the love that matters.
anti
i felt pretty special for a moment there, maybe that's why it's harder.
see the things, you do.
meanwhile i'm between multiple layers. pain and dull. interest and boredom. future and past. chances and losses.
will it ever go away?
going back to my grave. fall comes every year. as depression. thinking all night about funny sketches. end up with no sleeping, hospitals, barking dogs.
my ear is fucked up. my eyes are not here yet. but hey, i made an instagram account. what a lovely thing to do.
i only know what i dont want. and i dont want you to understand me.
2017.08.21.
So weep not for me my friend when my time below does end
For my life belongs to him who will raise the dead again
Testvér, apa, fiú.
Keresztapu.
f
i don't know anything anymore. if it is a good idea. if a. if it gets too much it is not a good idea to give it all up to fast. time has no meaning anymore.